Writing a detective novel

Yes, as the title suggests and as you might have noticed, I'm not really the kind of guy who excels at writing romance novel. I'm thinking of writing a detective novel. In Bahasa, of course.

In order to do that, I need to get a good grasp at what normal people actually feel when reading crime/thriller. (I don't consider myself normal since I actually enjoy watching Happy Tree Friends).

Anyway, if you guys can take the survey here, that would be really great!

Flappy Bird: a game from hell

A lot of my friends (and by "a lot," I mean A LOT) have posted a screenshot of their highest score in Flappy Bird. And due to this and my curious by nature, I decided to give Flappy Bird a shot. DO NOTE THAT THIS POST CONTAINS A SHITLOAD OF SWEAR WORDS AND IF YOU ARE THE KIND OF PERSON WHO ARE EASILY OFFENDED BY THEM, PLEASE GO AWAY. There. That was my "Viewer discretion is advised."

This would be my phone, if I had an iPhone and if I were stupid enough to break my phone because of a stupid game.

I was told that the game was very addictive (and frustrating and stressful and impossible to beat and and makes you want to throw your phone on the floor), so I was really surprised when I searched the Play Store only to find that the game was less than one megabyte in size. Due to my competitiveness, and since I see myself as an avid gamer, I shrugged --thought about how hard can a less-than-one-megabyte game be-- and hit "Install."

Hitting the "Install" button was easily the biggest mistake of this month so far.

The game started without a hitch and I was greeted by a very nostalgic Mario-esque scenery and the same 8-bit graphic. No, seriously, the scenery is like a rip-off of Mario games. The only difference between them was that Flappy Bird features a shitload of skyscrapers. Maybe if Mario lived in Jakarta instead of some random green pastures, there would be literally no difference between their background.

Anyway.

Flappy Bird was simple. Painfully so. The tutorial consisted of just a flying bird and the word "TAP." And if you do tap the screen, the bird will bounce a bit and raise in altitude. If you don't tap, the bird's altitude will continuously decline. And there are pipes everywhere (like, Mario Bros' pipes, the kind of pipes that we always tried to go into when we still played Mario). And since birds are retarded and fragile creatures that are not able to keep their altitude constant and die at the slightest touch of a mother fucking pipe, you have to tap the screen every now and then in order to keep the fucking bird alive.

The bird isn't even cute. Shouldn't we be happy if the motherfucker hits a pipe and die?

That's it. 

The amount of pipes you managed to fly through without killing your bird then becomes your score. In the first 20 tries I did, I only managed to pass through two pipes. TWO. Two effing pipes. And thanks to my competitiveness (and while we're talking about it, allow me to say fuck you to my competitiveness, because without it I wouldn't be bitching about this game here), I played for another half an hour, and managed to pass through 17 pipes. I heard some people managed to reach a score of hundreds. Yeah, I would much rather believe that unicorns exist rather than them. 

So the game was developed by Dong Nguyen. Now, I don't speak Vietnamese, but I know that Nguyen is the surname of at least 2183646723121 Vietnamese people I know. I would take a guess and say that Dong means "Satan" in Vietnamese. BECAUSE I BELIEVE THIS GAME WAS MADE BY SATAN HIMSELF, AS A WAY TO CAPTURE OUR SOULS. 

This game (much like all games, really) is a pure waste of time and prolonged playing would result in a desire to tear your arms and claw your eyes out because the game (or Satan himself) makes you think that you are so idiot (and retarded and have an IQ lower than a fucking Chihuahua) since you could not guide an ugly-as-fuck bird through a labyrinth of pipes.

If you haven't played the game and are thinking of downloading and playing it now, here is my advice to you: don't.

If you still insist to play, fine. Here are some advices I can give to you:

1. Play on your bed, this minimizes the chance that you will go full retard and throw your phone to the ground, possibly causing it to disfunction forever.
2. Don't tap unless you have to. Most of the time, the cause of death was because unnecessary jumps that lead to hitting the top of the pipe. 
3. If you're like me and your dominant hand is right hand, tap on the lower side of the screen in order to prevent blocking the view of the next pipe with your own fingers. 
4. You cannot win. So relax.
5. If you have any desire to tear your arms off and/or claw your eyes off, immediately stop playing and count to 10. Afterwards, continue to play and indefinitely hate yourself. 
6. After prolonged playing, feel free to uninstall the game and curse your dominant hand forever.

Do yourself a favor and do not download this game.