The term friend zone actually was derived in 1994 from one of "Friends" episode, a sitcom that has been around since God-knows-when. Despite this post is written for guys, it is also applicable to girls, although girls are rarer to be friend-zoned.
There are actually two kinds of friend zone: Pseudo friend zone and True friend zone.
1. Pseudo friend zone
I don't know what your definition of friend zone is, but most guys I know say that they've been friend-zoned because they're too nice and the girls they're attracted to don't want to risk their friendship. Hence, putting him in the forever friend zone. This is what I call by the pseudo friend zone.
It's really a stupid concept. On looking for a potential partner, we don't just check whether or not someone is kind enough for us. We also check, whether consciously or not, for other factors, such as: cuteness, hotness, intelligence, family background, and other dozen stuff I can probably list down forever.
When someone thinks that your defects outweigh the kindness you offer, chances are they are no longer interested in you. And since their parents had taught them to be kind to others, they didn't want to hurt your feelings by saying, "Fuck you, you're too ugly, do the world a favor and go celibate so no girl should ever have to go through the pain of dating you." Instead, they say "Aww, you're too kind. I just don't want to ruin what we have right now for a minuscule chance of relationship."
Boom. You cry and cry and curse the sky because, fuck life, you have been "friend-zoned." All because you were too nice to Her. Or at the very least, that's what you think. The truth is just that She doesn't think you're a potential partner.
You are NOT in a friend zone, you are in a not-boyfriend-material zone. It's easier for you to use the "Yeah, nice guys finish last" excuse rather than admitting that you have asymmetrical eyes or that you have an oedipus complex.
So, how do you escape it?
Simple. You change. As Einstein stated, "The surest sign of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result." Be a better guy.
Afterall, you can't force someone to love you; all you can do is make yourself into someone worthy of love. Sure, it's easier said than done. Then it comes back to you again. Do you like Her that much that you can't imagine spending the rest of your life with another girl? If you answered yes, then better yourself. If no, then you might want to start looking for other girls.
2. True friend zone
This is a much less common occurrence than its counterpart.
Maybe you knew Her since you were in highschool, but She had a boyfriend then. And when She broke up, you yourself had a girlfriend. Years passed and now, She became so gorgeous and smart and single. But before you both know it, you have been friends for far too long and She can't see you as someone other than Her friend. Hence, friend zone. This is the actual friend zone, not the pussilanimous excuse that guys use when a girl he barely knew for a month rejected her.
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| Quiz time. What is it? |
It's a melon, duh. We have been taught all our lives that that is a melon. That kind of skin, that glowing orange-ish color, that sweet sweet fragrance, that oval shape, that tangy texture, they all are associated to a melon. If I were to ask you to label it as an apple, would you be able to pick it up in a supermarket, hold it up to your mom's face and say that you wanted an apple?
First impressions last, which is why it's strenuous to change the label on something. Her brain has associated your traits as that of a friend's. The way you talk to Her? A friend. The way you pick Her up and drop Her back to Her house? Another friend. The way you listen to her rant at midnight? Just a friend. The way you warmly smile and stare at her eyes as she tells you a story? Friend, friend, friend.
There are two ways to escape this kind of friend zone. First is the insane way, just keep doing whatever it is you're doing and hope that She is sensitive enough and realize that you wish to be something more than a friend.
Or.
Be upfront. Tell Her that you want to be more than friends. Force Her brain to relabel you from a friend to a potential boyfriend. And everything you do will no longer be a friend's actions, but a potential partner's.
Godspeed, people. Godspeed.
