Untitled.

Please note that this post is just a rant. Read ahead at your own risk.


I have never been the jealous kind of person. Really. Every time someone brags about their successes to me, I always manage to curl a smile, look them in the eyes, and congratulate them. No matter what they're bragging about. Be it their test score, or their new laptop, or their parents-bought new car, I could always do that without exception. Smile. Look them in the eyes. Congratulate. 

But whenever someone brags to me about their life goal, I can't help but be jealous. Whenever someone asks me "what are you gonna do after graduating?", I always have no idea how to reply properly. I just smile dishearteningly and say "I don't know. I'll figure something out later," the problem is I don't have any idea how late is 'later.' It's been a month after graduation and I still have no idea what I truly want to do with my life.

There was once a time when I dreamed to be a singer. But then I heard my own recorded voice and I cried.

There was once a time when I dreamed to be an artist. But then I realized I didn't have the patience to draw the same thing over and over again.

There was once a time when I dreamed to be a doctor. But then I sliced my finger and fainted as soon as I saw blood (okay, definitely not that extreme, but you get my point).

Honestly? I want to be a pro gamer. Not a programmer. A pro gamer. A professional gamer. I mean, the very thought of getting paid simply by doing what I truly like is awesome. But let's be honest, if you're a guy, a "pro gamer" is not the answer your girlfriend's dad is expecting to get when they ask you "what's your job?"So really. A pro gamer is also out of the question.

I'm jealous whenever someone my age already knows what they're going to do with their life. I'm jealous whenever someone my age knows what their talents exactly are. I'm jealous whenever I open Youtube and see Sam Tsui singing so awesomely. Or nigahiga being fluently funny. Or Lindsey Stirling playing violin. Sometimes I blame God for giving me too many talents instead of one epic talent. Sometimes I blame God for not pointing out what I'm supposed to do with my life.

To be completely honest with you, I don't even know where I'm going with this. I just want to rant about this. I know that there are a lot of people who have it rougher than I do. And ranting about this makes me an egoist. But if ranting makes me an egoist, then so be it. Let this be an egoist's rant.