$10 for a hobo? Too much!

I always think of myself as a generous person. That's why when I was walking around Chicago downtown last week, I stopped to reach my wallet when I saw an elderly woman who was carrying a damp cardboard box on which was messily written with a thick marker: "I HAVE 3 KIDS AND NO JOB. PLEASE HELP, HAVE TO PAY FOR FOOD AND DIAPERS. I PRAY FOR YOUR HEALTH AND SUCCESS. THANK YOU." Behind the elderly woman were 3 kids, the oldest being what seemed to be less than 10 year old. The youngest -- who was no older than 2 year old -- kept crying and crying (which reminded me why I hate kids so much).

But yeah. I was walking with my friends as they were going shopping from stores to stores in Chicago downtown. They kept walking as I stopped to reach my wallet. I looked down and saw two $10s. No $5. No $1. Only $10s. And $10 seemed a bit too much to give to a hobo. I glanced back at her and her eyes were now barely visible from under her veil. Our eyes met, or I think they did since she seemed to be looking at something past me. I waited for her to say something to me. I waited for her to say something. I waited. 

Nothing.

She just kept staring at me. And after what seemed to be like an hour of two actors looking at each other in a low-budget Indian movie, she turned her head and looked toward a general crowd, once again. I turned around and saw my friends were getting farther from me. I folded my wallet, slipped it back in my back pocket and made small quick leaps back toward my friends.

For the rest of the day, I wondered whether someone gave her anything that. I wondered what it would feel like if I ended up giving her the $10. Would she be thanking me? Would she be able to feed and buy some diapers for her kids? Would her youngest kid stop crying even for a few minutes? Would her oldest daughter be a bit less thin although just for a pound?

I felt guilty although I knew I didn't do anything wrong. I kept telling myself I already spent $60 for a new pair of shoes, so I would feel bad if I spend more money. But let's face it. Even if I didn't buy the shoes, I would probably still not give her the $10. I wonder why $10 is a lot of money to give to a stranger, yet so little when we use it to shop.

Dear old lady, if you by whatever means are reading this, please know that I feel bad. Please know that if I meet you again when I walk around Chicago downtown, I would definitely reach down to my wallet and give you $20. Let's just hope I won't only be bringing $100 at that time.