A letter to Blackberry

Dear Blackberry,

First of all, please excuse the amount of swearing words in this letter. I tried writing one without any profanity, but it just didn't vent my feeling well enough. With that being said,

Fuck you.

Blackberry is not a smart phone. In fact, calling it a stupid phone is a disgrace to the word 'stupid.' By definition, a smart phone is... well, smart. Please allow me to sophisticatedly reiterate what makes a phone smart:

1. IT HAS A CAMERA THAT HAS A BETTER QUALITY THAN A FUCKING POTATO.
2. YOU CAN TURN THE FUCKING SHUTTER SOUND OFF.
3. IT HAS A BATTERY THAT LASTS LONGER THAN MY FUCKING ATTENTION SPAN.
4. IT IS FASTER THAN A FUCKING INTERNET EXPLORER.
5. YOU DON'T HAVE TO WAIT FOR 5 FUCKING MINUTES EVERY TIME YOU RESTART IT. 
   And above all,
6. YOU DON'T HAVE TO FUCKING RESTART IT EVERY 24 HOURS.

Granted, it's pretty hard to decide which one is dumber: the phone for being more retarded than Snooki, or me for using it as my phone. But in my defense, I am using Blackberry simply for its Blackberry Messenger. I wouldn't go as far as to say that I won't be able to live without BBM, but I would say it's pretty close. In fact, when BBM went down yesterday, I got so bored that I actually started doing actual work in my office. My boss would probably prefer BBM staying down if it meant me getting some actual work done.

So yeah, like most letters, it just doesn't feel right if there is no question in it. So, here is one. HOW HARD IS IT TO BUILD A FUCKING PHONE AND NOT MESS UP THE ONE THING THAT MAKE PEOPLE BUY YOUR FUCKING PRODUCT? Like, seriously. People buy your shitty phones simply for its Blackberry Messenger and you still managed to fuck that up too? Congratulations.

The most obvious joke has got to be the fact that you guys are developing a BBM for Android and IOS. To which the CEO responded with "OH YES WE DO THIS BECAUSE WE ARE CONFIDENT THAT BB10 IS UP TO PAR WITH ANDROID AND IOS."

BULLSHIT. 

I'm no Steve Jobs but I can fucking predict that with BBM being available to both Android and IOS, you can kiss your sales goodbye. With that being said, please make BBM available in Android and IOS as soon as possible so I can toss this stupid Blackberry away.

With much love,

A dumb user who has been using your dumber-phone for far too long.