The Conju-fucking-ring

Some people write reviews by putting the conclusion at the end. But I'll write this review by saying what I had in my mind. Oh and by the way, this review is spoiler free (and by spoiler free I mean there won't be any major spoiler that would rob you of your thrilling adventure of sequential heart attacks).

This movie is -- hands down -- the scariest movie I've ever watched. If you're wondering, the movie scored an average 8.1 point from 14,653 users in IMDb. 

If you aren't all that familiar with IMDb, imagine IMDb as a high school teacher and horror movies as that one bad kid the teacher had always hated. No matter how decent a horror movie is, IMDb always gave them low scores. That's how much IMDb hates horror movies. An IMDb rating of 6.5 for a horror movie is deemed very high and would be a recommended movie for scary movie lovers. By now, you should probably know what an 8.1 translates to in the "horror movie"-score. Yes, while it might not be the Monalisa of horror movies, it would be pretty close.

I watched this movie with my older sister and by God, if humans could rupture their eardrums repeatedly, I would probably be dead within the first 30 mins of the movie from blood loss. The director of this movie (which, coincidentally, also directed Insidious, the close second in my list of the scariest movies I've ever seen) understood the idea that today's generation has a really short attention span and presented us with suspense (lots of it) in the first few minutes into the movie. (Unlike some other movies where we just sit and watch a happy family sleep peacefully for 30 minutes before being able to see some things moving. Stupid Paranormal Activities.)

As of I'm writing this, the movie has generated USD 30 million (from the initial expectation of USD 20 million) in revenue. Despite having little to no gore and violence, this movie was rated 'R' by MPAA simply because "hey, if adults like us shit our pants because of this movie, chances are children below 17 would, too."

The paragraph below might contain A LITTLE SPOILER, feel free to press ctrl+A/block the texts if you want to read anyway.

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While this movie is really great, I can't help but think that the director went like "Hmmm, I need more ghosts to scare the shit out of the audiences, let's make a new one who has no background whatsoever just for the purpose of making them shit in their pants." Now I know that the budget for this movie is low, but it would be better if some of the evil spirits' motives and background were elaborated a little bit more.

One more thing. the images are scary as fuck but there was one evil spirit which was like the future image of obese Avril Lavigne. A fat old lady who probably watched a Korean drama right after applying a half bottle of eye-liner. PLEASE DO A SCARIER MAKE UP.

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I shit you not when I say this movie is scary. If you are a girl who hates scary movies and your boyfriend asks you to watch this, believe me when I say that you won't be able to act scared and be cute while clinging on to him. You'll be genuinely terrified.

Despite me saying that this is the scariest movie I've ever seen, the after-taste is actually not too bad (definitely not as bad as Insidious). I can definitely sleep sound tonight without having to be afraid of an old, obese version of Avril Lavigne currently lying under my bed.

Footnote: Do not, and I do mean DO NOT, pick your nose at any point in the movie. I picked my nose when I thought nothing was happening and I almost tore my nose a third hole.