On surviving long distance relationships

Pretty much sums up how you feel when you're in a long distance relationship.

Disclaimer: I can either be the most legit person on Earth whose advice on long distance relationship you can actually heed. Or the person whose advice you can safely ignore. It's up to you.

If opposites do attract, I must be whatever the opposite of long distance relationship is. I've only had two relationships in my entire life. And both of them were LDR (writing "long distance relationship" over and over again proved to be too much for a lazy person like me). With those two failed relationships, I can safely say that I went through the necessary prerequisites before actually writing this.

Like most (if not all) of my writings, I got this revelation when I was taking a shower. I probably should start taking 10 consecutive showers every time I'm running out of stuff to write. Anyway. 

For those of you who have never been in an LDR, trust me, it sucks. Its suck-ness ranks somewhere between 'drinking an orange juice right after brushing your teeth' and 'rubbing your eyes right after cutting an onion.' Below is a crash course on why LDR sucks.

You can't hug them. Hugs are great, but -- unless some freaky physics genius invents a way to transfer body heat between two people separated by oceans -- we're stuck with giving a cyber hug that's cute and all but doesn't accomplish any shit in satisfying our sexual urge. 

Less thing to talk about. You grew apart from them and conversely, they also grew apart from you. As if communicating via texts is not hard enough, distance gives you another reason to hate your relationship. You get to meet new people, they also get to meet new people. The intersection of the Venn diagram between "people you know" and "people they know" grows smaller with each passing day. One day, you wake up and suddenly realize that you run out of things to talk about and inevitably just stop talking to them altogether.

I can probably go on and rant about a dozen more reasons on why LDRs suck balls. But this post is not about how distance (and time) sucks. It's more about conquering them and getting your happily ever after.

During my quest on purifying my body (read: shower), I realize that humans are bad spontaneous-decision-makers. That's why we make plans before going on a trip. Or why we write down our to-buy list before going on a grocery shopping. 

I thought to myself, "Why not apply this to LDRs?" Maybe we can apply the same principle to LDR. Maybe we can write a plan before walking into an LDR. But instead of a plan, it's a letter. You might think that it's a letter addressed to them. It's not. It's a letter to our self. A reminder for our future self, to be exact. 

Here is an example of a letter I wrote to my future self about imaginary (note the stress in this word) long distance relationship. (The girl in question might or might not exist).

Is it weird that I find my eyes secretly inching towards you in the crowd? 

Is it even weirder that somehow I manage to find you without fail? It's like you got put in a 1950's television where everything is black and white while you are gleaming with your colorful clothes and cheerful expression. 

Is it weird that I forget what else my smart phones can do when you're busy?

Is it even weirder that I had this micro urge to duct tape your phone to your hand so you can always reply to my texts? (I know that I'm probably starting to sound like a fucking creep, but in my defense it was only a really small urge.)

Is it weird that I find myself checking my phone every 30 seconds hoping for a notification? 

Is it even weirder that every time my phone vibrates, I immediately turn into a fucking cheetah and grab my phone in the speed of light? If Pavlov was still alive, he probably could redo his experiment with me and a vibrating phone instead of a dog and a bell.

Is it weird that I can probably watch a two-hours-documentary-movie about you and probably be too busy to go to a restroom for even once? 

Is it even weirder that I live in a constant fear of unconsciously spouting something that I only learned from stalking you online?

Is it weird that I get this irresistible urge to pinch your cheek every time you smile?

Is it weird that I want to play with your hair every time you flip it?

Is it weird that I get butterflies in my stomach every time I see you?

Is it weird that I grin like a retard every time I hear your name?

Is it weird that I wish there were more than 24 hours in a day just so I can have more time talking to you?

Is it even weirder that I wish humans didn't need to sleep so I can have like 8 extra hours to talk to you?

Ever since I met you, I feel weird. But then again, if this is what being weird means, I wouldn't mind being the weirdest person on Earth.

By writing a letter to your future self, you're immortalizing both a moment and the feeling you had at that exact moment. And by the time you're separated by thousands of miles as well as oceans and you're running out of things to hold on to, you can always reread the letter from your past self and remember how you really felt while you were still seeing each other. When you feel like letting go, remember the reasons why you held on for so long. 

To anyone who's currently having a long distance relationship, I wish you Godspeed.