If you were to die right now...

It's a scary thought, really. I mean, if people get divided to only 'good' people and 'bad' people, I know I'm gonna get into the 'good' people group. I'm good in the sense that I don't kill people. That I don't rape people. That I don't steal from people. That I don't lie (apart from white lies, but hey, everyone does, right?). That I don't slap people when they're annoying. That I don't punch kids in their faces when they're noisy. That I brush my teeth everyday. Basically, I'm a good person.

And if heaven does exist and admittance to heaven depends on how 'good' a person is, I'm sure I will be admitted into heaven. No doubt - okay, maybe if the gatekeeper of heaven would overlook that one time that I pushed someone into a swimming pool and made it look like an accident. And that one time I secretly took three candies off a tray while the sign clearly said "please take just one, thank you."

I'm writing this because someone I didn't even know died passed away. I don't know the person, but I know her sister. I'm not even close to her sister. In fact, I just met her like three days ago. She told me that her sister just passed away and I was shocked. I tried to comfort her, but nothing came to my mind. I didn't even know the one who passed away, how was I supposed to comfort her?

'I understand how you feel'? I didn't know how she felt. To have someone you hold so dearly to you die. So I told her 'I couldn't imagine what you must be going through.'

'Be brave'? Why the fuck should she be brave? Her sister just passed away and the last thing she needed to be was to hold her tears in and burst from too much tears dwelling in her eye sockets. So I told her 'It's okay to not be brave sometimes. This is one of those times.'

I was about to say 'She is in a better place now,' but how the fuck do I know where she was right then? For all we know, heaven might not exist and she was reincarnated in a worse place. So I told her 'I'm really sorry for your loss.'

I'm usually pretty good with words, but they failed me when I tried to comfort her. I didn't know what to say so I said nothing. Instead I thought to myself how vulnerable humans are. One failed organ and we die.
It's also scary how a person's death can impact someone so deeply. Isn't death a scary thing?

If I were to die right now, I wouldn't want people to cry over my dead body. I would like them to smile and laugh and joke about me. It's not like with everyone being sad I'd be alive again. Why bother being sad?

Back when I was in high school, I and my friends always jokingly said to each other: 'I would never die before you do. And when you do die before me, I'll pee on your gravestone.' So if I were to die right now, I could picture some people actually peeing on my gravestone.

As for you.. If you were to die right now, would your friends and relatives cry? Would they smile since they knew you had lived a good life? Would they pee on your gravestone? Would they cry as they pee on your gravestone? What would they do? And what would you want them do?