On seeing a crush. And what you should do.

Disclaimer: Before you start spouting off random stuff, please note that I'm NOT the most credible person you should listen to about crushes. I have only once been in a relationship (and even that took me like two years to get in to, and less than a year to get out of). So yeah. Please stop reading here. Or if you really have nothing better to do, read ahead at your own risk.

I personally believe that love at first sight ranks somewhere between magic and unicorn on the scale of existence. But I do believe in crushes. I believe in meeting a girl and wondering that maybe she is the one for me. That maybe she is the one that can make me give up playing games. That can make me think 'maybe sitting through the movie Twilight with her for two hours is actually okay'. That kind of girl. Yes, I do believe that kind of girl exists.

So, for the rest of this, let's silently agree that this kind of girl (or guy, if you're a girl) exists. Otherwise I wouldn't really have much to write about, would I?

1. Oh, my God. I just saw her; the peanut to my butter, the straw to my berry.

You just did? Awesome. Upon seeing this wonderfully-made-by-God creature, what are you supposed to do? First thing first, and this is the bread and butter to this post, do not -- I repeat -- do not act too interested in her (this applies if you're a girl as well. Do not act too interested in him). Unless, of course you're as awesome as Adam Levine (and if you are, why are you reading this? You should be able to get any girl you want nonetheless). Anyway. Spark a conversation as natural as you can think of. Act as if you have to talk to her, not because you want to. By acting not too interested in her, you:

1) double your chance to get her to talk to you; if you'd like, think of it as an ambush; if she wasn't expecting you to 'attack' her, she wouldn't have her 'defense' up. Gosh, I hope that makes sense to you as much as it does to me.

and 2) it's human nature to be attracted to someone that's not attracted to them. If you want to know why, just ask God when you go to pray before you go to sleep and hopefully when you wake up you get the answer (and if you do get the answer, please let me know).

Or in short, be interested enough to let her be interested in you, but not enough to let her think 'oh my God, this guy is so falling for me'. And 99% of girls will friendzone that kind of guy.

Did I make myself clear? Good? Good. Let's move on.

2. I'm ready to talk to her. How should I do it?

Quoting my own self from the first commandment, you need to act as if you have to talk to her, not because you want to*. If your crush is in the same class as you are, wait patiently (read: stalk) until you are "accidentally" alone with her, ask her about when the next homework is due (this might be somewhat cliche, but there is reason why it is cliche. Because it works most of the times).

If you run into your crush in a grocery store, get into the isle she is in and act (yeah it takes quite a good actor to get your crush to like you) confused about which of the two products you should buy and ask her. I can list like a million other examples, but I believe you already get my point.

Let's move on.

*this is just one way to start a conversation. If you think she is kinda the straight-forward type, just approach her casually and ask her her name. Going back to the first commandment, this method of approaching might get her to set up her 'defense' and thus making it harder for you to get her to respond other than with 'uh-huh' and 'nope'.

3. Okay, I started a conversation with her, and she is talking to me. What do I do?

You started a conversation? Congratulations, you just passed the hardest thing to do. Next thing you need to do is to keep her interested in you, which is equally hard if not harder (okay I lied about that was the hardest thing to do, this part is). One of the best ways to do it is by being funny (unless you're as awesome as Barney from How I Met Your Mother and you can do magic trick, then by all means do it). By being funny I didn't mean like cornily funny. I meant wittily funny.

But there is another way than being funny to keep her interested to you. You just need to show her that you're interested in the things she is interested in. In order to do this, you need to pray that God points out the similarities between you and her -- this is most probably the point that makes her consider you as a potential date -- Eye her from her eyes to her toes. Eye her belongings for any clues about her interest. Maybe she likes reading, or maybe she likes cats, or maybe she has iPad. Anything at all. If she happens to like the same thing that you do, it's all rainbow and fluff from there on. If she doesn't, lie. If you don't like reading like she does, lie that you have just recently taken up reading. If you hate cats and want to gut them inside out (please don't), lie and say that you have a particular friend that is crazy about cat. Basically, just say (or make up) something that she finds interesting so she's interested to you. Mind you, it's not really lying since chances are you have a friend who has an abnormal love for cats. And even if you lie, nobody has to know if you do. We can keep this between us. Capiche?

4. Okay, everything is going great. We are having a great time. What to do next?

Great, now you finally are done with the hardest part. After talking for quite some time, ask for her name casually. Don't just drop whatever you are talking about and ask suddenly 'what's your name?', it's gonna be somewhat awkward. Be creative in asking her name.

Note that it is advised that you talk to her for quite some time before you ask her name. Otherwise it would just look like you're desperate to get her name and that goes against the first commandment.

After you get her name, continue chatting casually and cross your fingers that she will give you her phone number. If she doesn't, play it cool. It doesn't necessarily mean that she doesn't like you. Just wait until it's nearing the end of your first meeting to ask for her phone number.

5. Okay. Got her name. Got her phone number. And we're done talking. Next?

Do not -- and I can't stress this enough -- do not call her immediately. Wait at least 48 hours (or 72 hours, according to Barney) before you even start thinking of calling her. Do not add her Facebook account immediately either. Wait for a week or so before you add her Facebook account. If you call her or add her Facebook immediately, you will appear to be somewhat impatient and desperate for attention, which goes against the very first commandment.

Those are the five commandments on seeing a crush. Now you know what to do when you meet your crush! If this doesn't work, there is a chance that the girl you're trying to hit on is not looking for a relationship (or a greater chance that I'm a lying bastard who is trying to rip you of any chance of you getting a girlfriend).