An open letter to my ex's boyfriend

Hello. Yes, this letter is addressed to you. First of all, I want to wish you a happy birthday. First of all, let me say that I don't like you. I don't hate you either. But if I only had the choice of either hating you or liking you, I would say I'm more toward hating you.

I hate you not because you're currently dating my ex. And the more I say 'nah, I don't have any more feeling for her', the more I lie to myself. Of course, I'm totally over her (trust me about this one) and I won't be begging for her to return; I won't be begging for 'her' and 'me' to form the word 'us'. No, I won't. It's just that feeling you have when you're done eating your sandwich and you have some leftover. You don't want to eat it, but you also don't want to throw it away. Yeah, that kind of feeling (God, I hope my ex is not reading this).

I hate you not because my belly has more fat than yours. And just for the record, I still think I'm better looking than you (although A LOT of people would beg to differ). But yeah, I don't hate you for the fact that you actually think going to gym is way more productive than sitting in front of a computer playing games.

I hate you not because you gave my ex a plushie on a Valentine's day when I and she were still together. (Psst.. I will leave the fact that you also gave her best friend a plastic rose on the very same day you gave my ex a plushie alone. You would hate it if other people think you're a player, wouldn't you?)

I hate you not because of your stupid accent when you talk. Okay, I lied. I kinda hate you because of it. Your accent sounds retardedly stupid.

I hate you not because you are just two years older than me physically yet you are like, five years older than me mentally. I play video games and wear Doraemon t-shirts while you play with stocks. This doesn't make me hate you; this makes me hate myself.

I don't find any logical reason to hate you (apart from your accent, but that's not really a reason to hate someone, is it?) but I still want to hate you. So I will just hate you because I hate you. I know that this sounds childish, but hey, who cares? I don't. My ex doesn't. And you shouldn't either.

Now that I already established the fact that I hate you, I wish you a happy birthday. I hope you choke on your birthday cake.

Sincerely,

Someone who hates you.